This post is part of a short series called “Love & Respect; More Than a Cycle,” reflecting on lessons we learned years ago in our Marrieds Small Group while going through Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book Love & Respect. These aren’t chapter summaries, but reflections on how the ideas have shaped my perspective on marriage.
It usually starts small. A comment that didn’t land right. A tone that came out sharper than intended. A glance that seemed dismissive. Before long, what was a single moment turns into a rhythm, an unspoken pattern of reaction and response. And often, we don’t even notice it until we’re already spinning in it.
One of the main ideas in Love & Respect was the “crazy cycle”, when a wife feels unloved, she reacts in ways that feel disrespectful, and when a husband feels disrespected, he reacts in ways that feel unloving. Round and round it goes. Reading about it was eye-opening but living it was even more convicting. It was a reminder that most of us don’t set out to hurt each other, we just get caught in a cycle we don’t see until we’re in it.
Scripture gives us a quiet warning about these unseen spirals: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Left unchecked, today’s irritation becomes tomorrow’s resentment. The cycle strengthens until it feels normal, even though it’s anything but.
But cycles can change. When we choose grace instead of accusation, patience instead of defensiveness, prayer instead of silent distance, we can form new rhythms, redemptive ones that actually draw us closer to each other and to Christ.
Maybe the most important step is simply asking: What cycle am I in right now? And is it one that builds or one that breaks?
…just a thought.
